Wednesday, 16 July 2014

Back at Last! (& Why I Took A Break From Blogging)

Wednesday, 16 July 2014

Hey everyone! Been a while hasn't it?

To be honest with you, I'm not quite sure where to begin. It's been so long since I last wrote on my blog, it actually feels kinda alien to me now. Weirdly nostalgic too!

Since April, I've been having a little break from blogging. It's not that I didn't enjoy it any more - in fact, there's a whole host of reasons why I suddenly stopped. And I'm not quite sure I'm ready to explain all of them - my life has been extremely chaotic, full of ups and downs, in the past few months! But I did have many exams to prepare for, and this year was extremely important given my results will determine whether I go to university or not (yikes).

As well as that stress, I've also had to deal with a lot of drama in my personal life. I won't go into details but I'm still healing from the wounds of a toxic relationship and the pain of the break-up. My life went slightly off the rails since then, as I attempted to distract myself in unhealthy ways that simply numbed whatever unpleasant emotions I was feeling. I'm still in the midst of all that, slowly coming out of it and trying to learn how to be comfortable and happy on my own again.

It's been hard and I've had many setbacks. As I've mentioned in previous posts, I'm still battling depression, which only made an unwelcome heavier return due to recent life events. But I just have to keep reminding myself to be patient - recovery doesn't just happen overnight, and if anything, my illness is a sign that something (or many things) in my life need to change.

My self esteem hit it's lowest, but I'm striving to be that girl again who is confident in her own skin. That girl who is happy in her own company and doesn't need to rely on substances and others to provide validation that she's full of worth. I'm working on the relationship with myself and that's my most important priority right now.

As I slightly lost my sense of identity, my love of writing grew further apart from me. I started to believe that what I was doing, and my passions, were worthless and stupid. People in my life had shown no interest in what I did and so I soon believed it was unimportant too.

But writing is my outlet, and no one can take that away from me. Those who have hurt me - you have bruised me temporarily, but you have not damaged my soul forever. I'll come out of this stronger and more resilient than ever before.

I hope someday soon I can talk freely about my struggles and pain in order to help others who ever end up in the same situation. For now, I'm forcing my focus back onto my blog and ambitions.

Our life experiences and things that happen to us, don't have to define us. They shape us in the moment, but ultimately teach us valuable lessons. How we move forward from those lessons is what will make us or break us.

These lyrics from the John Legend song, All of Me, remind me that it's okay to fall, and that our emotions are valid. They don't make us any less of a person.

"How many times do I have to tell you, even when you're crying you're beautiful too, the world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood"

Peace and love x


  1. Thankyou for the update post. I can understand why you needed to take a break. I admire your courage throughout this period in your life x

    Lizzie's Corner

  2. Hi Lizzie,

    Thank you for your sweet comment and being so understanding! I felt as if I'd let my readers down slightly for not posting for a while but sometimes things happen and we just have to give ourselves a rest and come back when we're ready.

    Have a lovely week x


Emilicia STYLE - A Beauty, Fashion, & Lifestyle Blog © 2014