Thursday, 11 September 2014

A Letter From My Past

Thursday, 11 September 2014



This afternoon I received an email in my inbox I had almost completely forgotten about. It's a letter I had written to myself 11 months and 24 days ago on September the 16th 2013 using a website called futureme.org. The idea is you write an email to your future self, for you to open at a later date of any time you choose. It's a pretty cool thing to do as it shows you just how much can change in a year (or almost, in my case), gives you perspective, allows you to reflect, and reminds you what is truely important.

It's slightly personal, and some parts made me feel a slight tinge of sadness, but there are plenty of bits that made me smile, and I think it's kind of beautiful in a way. I also give some pretty solid advice, which could be useful to all of you too!

Here it is - enjoy :-)

Dear FutureMe,

Hello Emily! Right now it's about 3 in the afternoon and you're at Teds, being lazy and watching comedy central (as usual). Right now I'm still at college part-time, and doing an online course in sociology on the side. I'm awaiting news on my Travelodge interiew, I should hear from them this week.. Hopefully I got the job, I kinda need it right now with the state of my bank balance!

(I didn't get the Travelodge job in the end, but I'm kind of glad- I've had something much better!)

By now, you should be starting uni (or almost). I hope you got the results you wanted for your A-levels, finally decided on a university (you should have by now) and made the most of your year. I hope you were able to manage the course fee costs okay, and aren't still skint.. Though I suppose it won't matter as much now if you're getting a student loan! 

(Unfortunately i didn't get the exact results I wanted, but i still did okay despite having a horrrrendous year health and stress wise! I also didn't get into the initial universities of my choice but I have finally decided on attending UCLAN in Preston to study English Language & Creative Writing and i couldn't be more excited :-))

Do you have a job by now? If you do, I hope you like it and are getting a decent pay. If not, I'm sure you can't wait to finally be off the dole! (And if you really hate the job, and have at least given it a try and been there for a few months, for the love of god, leave!) 

(I do have a job now! Kitchen assistant/crew member at Premier Bowl. it has it's ups and downs but it's definitely a great place and i've met some amazing people out of it. I've been there since April now and even won employee of the month!)

Are you still single? If not, I hope you're happy in your new relationship, and have had a chance to meet many more new people by now (and not still moping on undeserving douchebags from the past!!) If you do have a boyfriend, I hope you've found love (if it's not still early days) and I hope they never treat you like you're ordinary. If you're not happy in the relationship, please find the courage to leave! 

(At this moment i am technically single but kinda seeing someone, haha. And things were actually going well until a few days ago! I'm hoping it all blows over soon though and I can get some clarity on what I should do. If things don't improve I will definitely cut ties.)

If you are single, enjoy it. Don't worry about it. You're bound to meet loads of new people at uni, make new friendships, have loads of fun, you probably won't even care about it. Another word of advice on the relationships and dating front - don't let anybody get to you! Seriously, 9 times out of 10 they are not worth it and you deserve so much better. Don't waste your time moping about some loser guy and don't let them get under your skin or keep you miserable for too long. You can be happy on your own and without them!

(Ugh, wish I had read this a lot sooner haha. The very next month after i wrote this i met someone new and got into a relationship with them in december, except they treated me horribly and i kind of regret the whole thing. Still trying to get over that horrific break up but I'm getting there, all in good time i suppose!)

I'm single as of now, and have only just really started dating this summer. Whilst it's been fun, it's also been a headache, because unfortunately not all experiences ended well. But, saying that, I managed being happily single up til then, and I plan to remain that way until someone fucking amazing comes along. Just be you and don't give a fuck what anyone thinks!

(Yeah, dating's been a pain in the arse. I've met a lot of people and had new experiences since i split with my ex, made some good memories but also met a lot more assholes. Trying to weed through them one at a time!)

I hope your blog's still going strong, and you've made some significant progress with it a year from now. I hope you've managed some kind of schedule, are writing more, and still loving it!

(Well, despite not being nowhere near as active on it as I once was, it has come a long way and I am proud of my work on here. It's like my little baby, haha. I'm still getting emails from businesses and nice people who admire my blog, still get views daily and have reached over 50 thousand views so far! I have a feeling I will get back into it soon, though, with my uni course specialising in blogging)

Lately, I've been feeling quite depressed. I guess there's been a few occurrences over the past few months to trigger it, but I have felt like I've slipped back into a mild depression again. I'm working really hard to get myself out of it, but I suppose most of all, I just need to be patient. I'm sure it won't last forever, and as long as I'm kind with myself and focus on thinking positively I can get myself out of it again. So, I hope you're feeling good and your head's in a much better place by now!

(I wish i could say it is, but I was diagnosed with clinical depression late last year. I did do the bravest thing and seek help, though - started off with counselling and am still taking medication to help me through it. I'm thinking of attending counselling again just to help me through traumatic recent events and so I can learn how to deal with my emotions healthily.)

Aside from that, I hope the body dysmorphia thing's improved, and you're learning to love and accept yourself the way you are. I also hope the eating disorder stuff is a little better to cope with, and you're not resorting to binge eating so much to cope with difficult emotions and fill in any voids. (And of course not hating your body so much!)

(It made me so happy when I read this part because I almost completely forgot this even used to be a problem! The books I bought really helped and I am so much more confident in my appearance than I used to be. Sure there's things I'd change but I'm definitely more accepting of myself now and embrace what I have. I've also eliminated my eating disorder too - I no longer hate my body and am learning to love it :-))

I'm also off to the doctors right now to sort my tonsillitis out, so I hope you're finally in good health, haha.

(This is kind of ironic because just this past week I've started getting ill again and have booked a doctors appointment for this following Saturday.. and it's a sore throat. Must be this time of year)

Anyway, I think that's all I can think of to say for now. Overall, I hope you're enjoying life, I hope you're happy, and I hope you're appreciating the small things I could be taking for granted right now.
Don't worry about the future, everything will work out. Stop brooding on the past, it no longer matters. Everyday focus on being a better person and loving those around you - and yourself! Have the confidence to go after your dreams and everything you want in this world.
And please remember - you are beautiful. You are talented. You are capable. You are strong and powerful. You are intelligent. You are loved.
You can do anything.
Change your life for the better, and if everything's going well, well done - we did it! :-) (if things aren't going so well, have hope and faith. Things will get better, I promise.)
See you soon (write another future letter while you're at it!!)
Oh, and I hope you enjoy the degree you chose, and that you gain some amazing opportunities out of it. Most of all, just have a fab time at uni and enjoy every second of it!
Love you and good luck! Xx

I couldn't have picked a better time to send this to myself, with moving in to university this Sunday! It's exactly what I needed to hear and has got me feeling a lot more positive about things.

Good luck everyone else who is off to university this year - write yourself a future letter to read when you're all done with your first year!

xo


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